Me. That’s what I believe in. Being me. I know, I know,
EXTREMELY cheesy. But, I’m actually being serious. If you were in my position,
you would understand. Reading all those stories and listening to what they have
to say was sorta inspirational, if you ask me. Unlike them, I’ve never really
had anything really hit me, like “BAM! This event is going to make you a better
person and enjoy life!” I’ve never been like that, all serious. My life is what
you call bipolar. It’s on two sides. Sometimes I single out the good things,
sometimes I single out the bad things. It just so happens that when something
bad happens, something good comes out of it. But when something good comes,
something bad comes out of it. Let’s just say my life, myself, and the whole
general idea, well it’s very bipolar. Usually, people like me like to brand
things. Like, dislike. Love, hate. Good, bad. Hero, villain. It’s just the way
I roll as well. But positive attitudes, someone named Barbara Held changed my
mind about them. This is my take of:
Combating the Tyranny of Positive Attitudes.
Barbara Held, a psycho-logist/therapist living in Maine has
a little thing against positive attitudes. She believed that positive attitudes
are overrated and you should never tell someone to keep one when they feel
down. This, I strongly agree. When I heard this, I was having a bad, bad day so
obviously I had to agree. No one really likes to be around happy people when
they’re sad. It’s just plain depressing. “The
problem is this demand for good cheer brings with it a one-two punch for those
of us who cannot cope in that way: First you feel bad about whatever’s getting
you down, then you feel guilty or defective if you can’t smile and look on the
bright side. And I’m not even sure there always is a bright side to look on.”
She says, in a recording of her essay. When I heard this, I was hooked. I
seriously thought to myself: “Hey! I can relate to this!” And I did. She says
so many things, psychological things, and philosophical things. Personally, the
average person would shoo this away in disgust. But this is where I’m
different. I may be bipolar and hypocritical, but I sure can relate to what
people say, and how they say it. It’s not saying that I’m super-duper over
achiever, but I like listening to these things.
But for this “This I Believe”, it was on fear. Listening to
more of the recording, I learned that she had come down with the flu years ago,
and with headaches after. The fear that brought her to this site was presumably
the basis of this statement: “He
reassured me that I would make a full recovery, but I was left traumatized by
the weeks of undiagnosed pain. I really thought I had a brain tumor or
schizophrenia. Being a psychologist didn’t help; I was an emotional wreck.” This
was her pain. This was her fear. Being mentally ill. As a
therapist/psychologist, it doesn’t help at all. You’re always debating what’s
the right option, how mentally and physically you are dealing through the fear
of being mentally ill. That’s the hardest part. Trying to take decision on what
is the best choice for yourself, and on top of all that, the fear of making
things worse. She was terrified. She had no one to turn to, except when she
asked her psychiatrist-neighbor if she was schizophrenic. The reply she got
was: “‘Professor,’ he pronounced, ‘you
are a mess, but you are not a mentally ill mess. You are just terrified.’” This
all, was true of course. This lightened up her mood a little, but one thing
bothered her. She told him that her friends were telling her to lighten up, so
he told her to say that, in plain words, “I would love to be cheerful, but
right now it’s rough so leave me alone.”
Saying something similar to that helped lift the weight off her
shoulders, and released her fear. That person, Aldo Llorente, helped her redeem
herself and make her realize the unnecessary fear she had. And that, dear
reader, was what made her go against positive attitudes and go on This I
believe, so someone like me would eventually find this needle in a haystack.
-R
