My Dear Fiona,
Hello. Though it pains me to say it, this will be the last time you would ever hear from me. I willingly have decided to leave the community. Yes, it may seem absurd for me to think this way, having the assignment of Receiver and all, but you have no idea what I have been through. The love, the pain, the memories. But, of course, this means nothing at all to you. You wouldn't understand. Neither did I at first, but then the memories of the past taught me. All I ever wanted was to be with you. I do realize that there was a possibility that you don’t feel the same way. But once, in the past few months, I had dreamt of you. From the memories I have received, in my eye, my dream was unusual. To citizens of the community, it is just a sign.
The dream was that we both--just you and me--were in the bathing room at the House Of Old. There was a tub, but it was different, because there was only one. It was damp, so I had taken off my tunic, but I didn’t put a smock on. I was perspiring, because of heat in the room. We were standing next to the tub, but you were laughing at me. The reason of your laughter was that I told you to get into the tub. I felt the wanting. It was like a need. Well, more of a desire. I did feel almost angry, in the dream, at you. You weren’t taking me seriously. And, I apparently didn’t like that. To tell you the truth, I felt uneasy--very uneasy--when I told my parents this dream. I never wanted that dream to happen. Never in my life. But there was a small part of me that did.
My parents directed me to take pills every morning. At first I didn’t know how they would help. Would they stop giving me these dreams? Well, they actually did. But after months and months of training, I decided to stop taking them. Yes, I did choose to do that. But why, you may ask? It was because I knew that they were stopping me from falling in love with you. But I already had, before that dream, before being selected for being the Receiver. While reading this letter, you may be confused. What is love? That question may be going through your mind. But, before you ask your parents, let me explain. Let me explain everything.
Love, is that feeling where you--so to speak--get “butterflies” inside your stomach. When you see that special person, your feel your heart skip a beat. One of the memories, though I am banned from telling you anything but I still will, was of a family. Everyone was there, the Old, the parents, and the children. They were all in a family unit, celebrating a special occasion. There were so many lights around the unit, or what people used to call it, a house. There was a tree with decorations on it, and boxes under it. The Giver told me this is what they called Christmas. The old were the parents of the parents, and the parents were the parents of the children. A long time ago, before you, or me, this is what life was, at the end of every year. They cherished being young, they hated being old.
There were so many things that were different before, if only I could explain it all in one single letter. There was the feeling of pain, there was real war, and there was blood. Blood, before, was this red liquid that comes out of your skin once you get hurt--of course, you don’t know what the colors are, but I wish you did. You know, one of the first times I saw color, was when I was riding with you, and you hair changed from no color, to red. It was different to me then, but now I can see all colors. Every single object has a color, it seems like it has a life. I am hoping, that you might be able to see colors after you have read this letter. But if you can’t, most of my explaining would mean nothing at all.
This, is all I have time for. I want so badly to explain more, but there is no time on my side. I have to go. Please, do not show anyone this letter, this is for you, and for you only. Just remember that I love you, and if you don’t feel the same way, well then, I have written this for nothing.
Sincerely,
Jonas
